I don’t do anything except buy books I’ll never read.  Buy instruments I’ll only play a few times.  I just scroll on social media thinking that an inspiration will strike from viewing other people’s ideas.  I want to be creative, I really do, but I can’t do anything.  I’m paralyzed by some habit of behavior.  I’m not lazy, but I don’t know what I want and I put myself through hell, even in good times.  Times are good for me.

I don’t have to write music, a book, or a screenplay.  I work an office job.  I have health insurance and a 401k.  I don’t get paid to go out and take pictures, make YouTube videos, or paint.  Do I even enjoy doing these things anymore?  At one time I did.  At one time they were satisfying, but in honesty, they’ve given me next to nothing in return lately, not even satisfaction.  One voice says I should just quit it all.  Just another failed artist.  Just give up these endeavors which were perceived as a ticket to freedom but have turned to shackles.  Another voice says to push through because maybe I’m almost there.

I love the process of it all, but frankly, I’ve got nothing to say.  Should I have something to say?  Everyone’s got something.  I’m not so sure quitting my job and moving to Thailand is the answer either.  It might work for a little while and then what?  The thing is, if I take absolutely zero action from this point for the next 30 years things will probably work out alright.  I’m not entirely satisfied with that option, but there are worse deals out there.

I’m enjoying writing this and that is a very good feeling.  I know I am going to share it.  I guess I won’t quit.  I just started a blog. lol